📌 By Dr. Lisa Hoover
I used to celebrate my wins.
Back in my other life, I had a system—hit a goal, buy myself something nice. Not so much a luxury handbag, but the latest tech gadget. Something shiny to symbolize my success.
And for a moment, it worked. The rush of accomplishment, the dopamine hit of a purchase—it felt like proof. See? You did something worth celebrating.
But what happened?
If there was a handbag, it stayed in its dust bag. The gadget? Used a few times, then forgotten in a drawer. The excitement wore off before the credit card bill even arrived.
And now?
Now, I don’t celebrate at all. Or maybe, I should say, I yearn for celebration—but not from myself. I want it from outside of me.
I wrote a book. No parade.
I published an eBook. A few sales.
I built a magazine from scratch. But it’s not reaching thousands yet.
Somewhere along the way, I married success with a specific outcome.
And if I don’t hit that outcome? The win doesn’t count.
This mindset has been sitting with me, and I wondered—what does that do to a person psychologically? What happens when you achieve and achieve, but the feeling of success never arrives?
Let’s talk about it.
🚀 The Neuroscience of Why We Struggle to Celebrate
Celebrating milestones isn’t just about feeling good—it’s a scientifically proven performance strategy.
🧠 When we recognize progress, our brain releases dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for motivation and reward. This creates a feedback loop—the more we celebrate, the more motivated we are to keep going.
But here’s the problem: when we set rigid expectations for what success “should” look like, we rob ourselves of that reward.
📖 Harvard Business Review found that teams who recognized small wins were 31% more productive than those who only celebrated major milestones. Why? Because progress, not perfection, is what drives sustainable success.
So when I published a book but didn’t hit a million sales?
When the magazine launched but didn’t reach thousands?
When the eBook went live but had only three buyers?
Instead of feeling proud of what was created, I only saw what wasn’t.
That’s when success stops being fulfilling and starts feeling like a moving goalpost.
💡 The “Moving Goalpost Syndrome”
Here’s the loop I’ve found myself in (and maybe you have too):
1️⃣ I Set a Goal. Write a book. Launch an eBook. Build a magazine.
2️⃣ I Achieve the Goal. ✅
3️⃣ I Move the Goalpost. “But did it sell a million copies?” “Did it reach thousands?” “Did it get enough likes, shares, recognition?”
4️⃣ I Ignore the Success and Start Over. 🔄
The truth is, I don’t struggle with achievement. I struggle with acknowledgment.
🛠 How to Redefine Success & Actually Feel It
I don’t have this all figured out yet. But I know one thing:
💡 If I don’t start celebrating success now, I never will.
So, if you’re like me—struggling to feel successful even when you achieve incredible things—here’s what I’m challenging myself (and you) to do:
🔹 1. Acknowledge Progress, Not Just Outcomes.
- The book exists.
- The eBook exists.
- The magazine exists.
These things didn’t exist before. That is success.
🔹 2. Separate Success from External Validation.
Would you say Oprah isn’t successful because someone, somewhere, doesn’t like her work? No. But we do that to ourselves all the time.
🔹 3. Define Celebration Differently.
Maybe it’s not about buying a thing. Maybe it’s about pausing to feel the moment. Sitting with the success instead of rushing to the next thing.
🎯 Food for Thought: What If We Let Ourselves Arrive?
If I don’t celebrate now, THEN when?
If success is always ‘just over the horizon,’ will I ever let myself arrive?
Really take a moment to sit with that question! Then do something [BE HONEST and let go!]
I’m making a change. I’m challenging myself to pause, reflect, and acknowledge. Not when I hit some arbitrary external metric. But now.
What about you?
What’s a milestone YOU’VE been ignoring?
Let’s celebrate it right now. Drop it in the comments. 🎉👇🏾